I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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