How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My Higher Power is John Stamos
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
