I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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