Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
