Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
