remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize