Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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