Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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