College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
