So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
