they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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