I got chris browned last night
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
