What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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