why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
