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Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
