great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
do herpes really smell.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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