SEEEEXXX PLEASE
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
