So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
