she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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