Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
