addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
its liver damage thursday
Randomize