Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize