my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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