I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
