I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
