There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
