I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
