Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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