Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
