if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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