Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
