I think i peed on brittanys purse
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
