I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
