So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
