i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
