He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
