Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
