I got chris browned last night
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
we're so committed to being not committed
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