So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
