I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
