The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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