24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Houston, we have a squirter
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
