so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
