don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
