Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
