Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
