hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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