i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
