I haven't been this sober since birth.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
