i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
