Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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