I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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