high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize