All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
