I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
