At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
