i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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