hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
