i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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