bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
