Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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