If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How does one acquire holy water?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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