Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
