I hate your face
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize