I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
