I hate your face
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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