btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Randomize
