You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize