we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
