She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
