So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
