Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
