Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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